Femme Fatale (acerbicreality) wrote in kadistal,
Femme Fatale
acerbicreality
kadistal

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Telemarketer = DEATH +_+;

NOTE: The fucker asked for her real name.

Call #1:
Telemarketer: Hello, can I please speak with [ ROOMIE ]? (He's Indian, btw. Very poor English.)
Me: Who is this?
Telemarketer: My name is _________. *Hears telemarketing noises in background*
Me: What do you want to talk to her for?
Telemarketer: I want to *gibberish*
Me: A-hah. *Hangs up*

Call #2
Telemarketer: Hello, can I please speak with [ ROOMIE ]? (Same guy)
Me: No, you can not. *Hangs up*

Call #3
Telemarketer: Hello, can I please speak with [ ROOMIE ]? (Still the same guy)
Me: What the fuck do you want? Who the hell is this?
Telemarketer: Can I Speak with [ ROOMIE ]?
Me: NO! You can't fucking speak with her. Stop fucking calling!
Telemarketer: Why can't I speak with her?
Me: Because you're a fucking telemarketer! Leave us the FUCK ALONE.
Telemarketer: How do you know I'm a telemarketer? Who told you?
Me: I can hear the shit in the background! Don't fucking call here anymore!
Telemarketer: You're too smart.
Me: Don't ever call here again. *hangs up*

Call #4
Telemarketer: Hello, can I please speak with [ ROOMIE ]? (STILL THE SAME FUCKER!)
Me: What the fuck!? Stop calling here, fucker! Do you not understand that she does not want to fucking speak to you? What do I have to do to get you to understand this? Do I have to shove a fucking fork up your ass to get you to understand that we DONT WANT TO TALK TO YOU? STOP. CALLING. *Hangs up*

Call #5
Telemarketer: Hello can I speak with [ ROOMIE ]? (Still. The. Same. Fucking. Guy.)
Me: You know. What's your number? Can I call YOU when it's inconvenient for you? What's your name? Why don't you give me your phone number so I can call you when you don't want me to? What the hell is wrong with you? Stop calling! *Hangs up*

Call #6
Telemarketer: Hello, can I speak with [ ROOMIE ]? (SLKFJ)
Me: What company are you calling from?
Telemarketer: *gibberish*
Me: Hold on a sec. *Gets a pen* Okay. What company? Spell it out.
Telemarketer: [*spells out roomie's name*]
Me: NO. WHAT. COMPANY? Put us on your don't call list and never call here again.
Telemarketer: [Roomie].
Me: Don't ever call here again.

Call #7
Telemarketer: Hello can I speak with [ ROOMIE ]? (lkfsdlajfksjdkfwtf)
Me: Okay, that's it. If you call back again, we're reporting you to the FTC. You are bound by the UCC. That's the Universal Commission Code. You are not to fucking call a consumer if they request that they are not supposed to be called. We're gonna report your ass and the FTC will shut you down. And then you won't have a fucking job. SO DONT CALL AGAIN, got it fucker? And--- *he hangs up*

>.>

*Stares at phone like it has 10 heads*

He better not call again.

EDIT: I should've said "Sugizo's Spank Your Juice, how may I help you? Would you like to be SPANKED today?"

Or I should've just quoted him: "Hey!! Spank spank spank your monkey, oh my baby, suck my juice!!!"
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